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And while your here, hang around and I'll bend your ear......................
I love great quotes and funny tales. If you read on I am sure it will bring a smile your
way............................
A Horse's View of the World
- Arena: Place where humans can take the fun out of forward motion.
- Bit: Means by which a rider's every motion is transmitted to the sensitive tissues of the mouth.
- Bucking: counterirritant
- Crossties: Gymnastic apparatus.
- Fence: Barrier that protects good grazing.
- Grain: Sole virtue of domestication.
- Hitching rail: Means by which to test one's strength.
- Horse trailer: Mobile cave bear den.
- Hotwalker: The lesser of two evils.
- Jump: An opportunity for self-expression.
- Latch: Type of puzzle.
- Longeing: Procedure for keeping a prospective rider at bay.
- Owner: Human assigned responsibility for one's feeding.
- Rider: Owner overstepping its bounds.
- Farrier: Disposable surrogate owner; useful for acting out aggression without compromising food supply.
- Trainer: Owner with mob connections.
Veterinarian: Flightless albino vulture
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Hollywood Squares:
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when " Hollywood Squares" game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q.You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q.Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? ! ;
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with! a pine apple and a twenty.
Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q.As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.
Q.Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q.If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
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Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A.. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q.Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant ?
Q.When a couple has a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car,the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
"Never keep up with the Joneses. Drag them down to your level, its cheaper."
The charm of all power is modesty.
The child benefits more from being valued than evaluated.
Genius is the ability to put into effect what is in your mind.
The normal adolescent isn't a normal adolescent if he acts normal...
Days are scrolls; write on them what you want to be remembered.
We used to build civilizations. Now we build shopping malls.
If your going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it.
So there you go, I hope a smile does show. If things seem bad, try and let them go...
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